


drown me in your water

by thatsformetoknow



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Getting Together, Insomnia, M/M, Night time meetings, Nightmares, They bake together, To Read, Warm, and its an oh, and shiro doesnt realise his own, and then he does, for me at least, it feels like, lance comforts shiro when he cant sleep, lance gives shiro a spa night, lance is afraid of his feelings, of course how could i possibly not be, of course im in love with him, shance falling slowly in love, shiros so in love, soft, this is incredibly soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 13:48:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20210791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsformetoknow/pseuds/thatsformetoknow
Summary: They fall into bed together and Lance holds him close. Shiro just feels himself melt against him, because he’s okay. Because Lance has got him. Lance holds him so gently and tenderly, petting his hair and Shiro swears that he feels a few gentle presses of his lips to the crown of his head but he’s too tired to think about it too much, far too emotionally exhausted to even understand.It’s when Lance calls him sweetheart that everything falls into place and finally, Shiro gets it. It’s a murmured “sweetheart, it’s okay. I’ve got you, I’m here,” and lips against his forehead.Shiro has already leant up to press his lips to Lance’s before he can even comprehend anything past Lance’s words.





	drown me in your water

Shiro doesn’t quite know when it starts. He honestly can’t remember the last time he actually got a good night's sleep, but he’s taken to wandering the castle at night, instead. It’s not long before he runs into Lance for the first time, curled up on the couch with a mug of hot something between his hands. 

He doesn’t ask, but he sits, and they talk aimlessly for a little while, until Shiro starts yawning, and Lance tells him to go to bed.

Strangely, he does.

It becomes more frequent after that; running into Lance. A few nights a week at first and they just sort of… wander. Fall into step beside one another andwander. Sometimes they talk and sometimes they don’t, and it’s comfortable. 

If someone had asked him a few weeks ago, Shiro would never have considered this. Because to him, Lance was who Lance puts himself so cleverly up to be. Lance was Lance, and Lance made jokes and rarely shut up. 

But this Lance is… different, he supposes. Quieter. He always seems to know when to talk and when to not, like Shiro’s nothing more than an open book to him. 

Strangely, he doesn’t hate it. 

It takes a little while for them to progress much past walking and sometimes talking, but they get there. He supposes that there’s only so much time you can spend with someone before you get closer. It was inevitable, really. 

Lance never voices it, but he knows. If Shiro’s been training late then somehow they’ll end up at the med bay, and Lance will tell Shiro what to do, giving him a look that Shiro really can’t say no to, until he’s shirtless and Lance is rubbing some sort of cream into his muscles. 

It helps. He doesn’t tell Lance that in the days that follow. But he thinks that Lance knows, because he does it again a week or so later and Shiro doesn’t stop him. 

They start doing other things after that, things that Shiro didn’t think that he’d have agreed to, but finds himself mindlessly and wordlessly following Lance wherever he leads him. 

They wind up in Lance’s room, one night. It’s particularly late, because Shiro had tried to go to sleep. And he had. Until he’d woken up again, chest heaving and heart pounding, blind fear coursing through his veins until he’d realised where he was, and oh. Oh, it was just a dream. Wasn’t real- not anymore.

He doesn’t expect Lance to still be up, but he runs into him not shortly after leaving his room. Lance takes one look at him and slips his slender fingers around his wrist, leading him to his own room. 

He never says anything, and that’s what gets Shiro the most. That he’d had Lance painted so wrong in his head. That Lance had done such a good job that he had them all fooled. He doesn’t quite know how to deal with the fact that he gets to see this side of Lance, either, so he leaves that alone. 

Lance rummages through his things and pulls a few bits out, holding them up to Shiro and Shiro nods before he even sees what they are. Lance makes quick work of clipping Shiro’s hair back and off of his face, giving a small giggle and then explaining what the face mask is for and what it does as he smothers it onto his skin. 

Shiro’s never done this before, actually, and he hadn’t thought it would be something he’d like. And maybe it’s not, maybe it’s the company, but he has a small smile on his face as Lance continues explaining. 

He offers to let Shiro put his on, and for some unknown reason, Shiro agrees, breathing out a soft laugh as Lance makes a face at the coolness of the gel, carefully trying to replicate Lance’s movements.

Shiro nearly says no to the next thing that Lance gets out, but he finds that the words never come out, and he’s already offering Lance his hand as Lance is uncapping the lid of the polish. 

It’s a baby pink, and Shiro thinks that maybe Pidge will make fun of him tomorrow, but he lets Lance paint it on all the same, topping it off with a top coat of clear to make sure it doesn’t chip. (If Shiro is more careful with his left hand over the next few days to ensure that, then that’s nobody’s business but his own).

Eventually, Shiro insists upon going back to his own room, because he might not be tired, but he knows Lance must be, and they have things to do tomorrow. He doesn’t want to be responsible for Lance being dead on his feet, even if he’d much rather stay here and paint Lance’s toes next.

Lance always seems to know, though, when he needs to provide a distraction and when he just needs to provide his company. Sometimes they’ll sit on the observation deck and Lance will talk about the stars, and sometimes they’ll sit on the observation deck and Lance will say nothing at all.

It’s becoming more and more of a regular occurrence; most nights now. They’re together more nights than they’re not and Shiro makes sure in the mornings that he’s always last to call for Lance if he’s late, or he distracts Hunk as he says he’s going to wake him. 

It’s his fault that Lance is tired, after all, and he just can’t quite bring himself to give it up. Not yet. Just a little longer, that’s what he tells himself. He’s allowed to be selfish for just a little longer. 

There’s a night that they raid the kitchen together, and Shiro thinks that Hunk might kill them both for it, and maybe it’s the thrill of it, or that it’s just so so late, but Shiro finds all of his leadership and responsibility thrown out of the window whenever Lance is around.

Lance is always in charge and Shiro is always blindly right behind him. 

Lance says that he’s memorised the recipe from when Hunk was experimenting with some new ingredients, and Shiro knows that Hunk will kill them for using those, but he still finds himself getting things out of the cupboards as Lance instructs. 

They don’t smell like cookies, and they sure as hell don’t taste like cookies. But they look like cookies, and honestly that’s enough for them as they eat practically the whole batch in one sitting, giggling as they hide the evidence, and Shiro feels like he’s drunk as they go back to their rooms that night. 

There’s another night that they run into Coran doing late night work around the castle, and after learning that neither Shiro nor Lance can sleep, suggests a quick game of Monsters and Mana may make them feel a little sleepy.

He’s right, of course, and they play for an hour or so, but after Lance is draped over Shiro’s lap, and Gyro has resorted to carrying the dead weight that is Pike, Coran suggests that they go to bed, and they do. 

Shiro feels colder in his own bed with the covers pulled snuggly around him than he did with Lance laying over him. 

They fall asleep together a few times, too. Once in the common room, once on the observation deck and once in Shiro’s room. 

Lance is always gone when Shiro wakes up.

It takes Shiro longer than it should have to ask Lance what keeps him up at night. He’s been so focused on thank-god-for-Lance, that he hadn’t really realised that there were surely things that kept Lance up, too.

Lance answers honestly. He tells him that sometimes he needs to sit out here and look at the stars. Remind himself of why they’re here, and of why they need to be here. Because sometimes it hurts all too much and he wishes that it had never happened and that it had been someone else. That he was still at home with his family. 

And so Shiro tells him that it wouldn’t have worked out with someone else. That the Blue Lion chose him because they need him. Because they’d be falling apart without him. That he knows that sometimes Lance has doubts about it all, and about himself, but they need him. God knows that Shiro would be falling to pieces without him.

Lance looks at him for a very long time. 

He doesn’t comment on most of what Shiro said, and that’s okay, because as long as Lance heard it then that’s enough. 

But what he does say is that sometimes he doesn’t need to stay up. But he does, because he knows that Shiro needs him to. Sometimes he comes and he waits for Shiro, and most nights, Shiro finds him. If he doesn’t, then he checks the training deck for him, and then he goes to bed, and he hopes that Shiro knows that if he ever needs him, then to go to him. He’ll be there. He’ll always let him in. 

Shiro says he does.

It’s not something he’d thought about until now, but he does.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, and then Shiro asks Lance to tell him about his family. And he does. He talks and he talks and he talks, recounting memory after memory and detail after detail and Shiro has never been more endeared to Lance than having him laid across his chest, sleepily trying to place the shade of lilac that Rachel painted her room, and how it used to be green. How she’d changed it one day after some comments at school, and how he hopes that she’s changed it back. 

How he hopes that they’re okay and that they’re happy and they’re not missing him all too much.

Shiro thinks that if the prospect of not having this right now cuts him like a knife, he really doesn’t know how his family are coping, but he doesn’t say anything. 

Because right now he gets to enjoy this- he gets to have these fragmented pieces of Lance that no one else gets to, and he’s never felt luckier. 

He’s lost in his thoughts when he realises that Lance has trailed off, and that he’s fallen asleep, nestled against his chest, and Shiro feels all fluttery in a way that he hasn’t in longer than he can remember.

It doesn’t take him long to follow suit, thoughts of getting up and moving being chased from his mind with each slow rise and fall of Lance’s chest, each soft little breath exhaled against him. 

But then he’s awake, and Lance is again, gone.

He doesn’t understand why Lance is always gone. Maybe he’s just an early riser, he supposes; there would be no logical reason to stay with Shiro after he wakes, but… somehow it feels like more than that, and Shiro doesn’t like the heavy feeling in his chest.

Shiro doesn’t see Lance for a few nights after that. He sees him during the day, of course, and things seem fine, but… Shiro doesn’t know what happened. 

They manage to get back into the swing of things but there’s something- there’s something off, and Lance is pulling back and Shiro doesn’t know why. They just walk in time with one another, barely exchanging a few words together and everything feels so wrong. 

It’s now that Shiro admits to himself just how much he needs Lance.

But he starts going less and less to let Lance sleep, anyway. Because that’s what’s important here. Lance had even admitted that sometimes he only stayed up for Shiro. And Shiro’s been selfish for long enough. If Lance is pulling back then Shiro will let him, so he paces in his room instead of up and down the bridge, and he sits in bed awake staring at his wall, instead of on the observation deck out at the stars.

It doesn’t happen for a while, really, and Shiro’s surprised it hasn’t happened before now. 

But it does happen, and normally he can shake it off. He wakes in cold sweats and paces for a little bit, and then he’s okay. Not getting back to sleep and extremely caught up in his head, but more or less, okay.

Except then he isn’t and all he knows is that he needs Lance and that he’s scared, so he goes to his room. He doesn’t know what time it is and he hopes that the offer is still there, and thankfully, after a few knocks, Lance opens the door.

Shiro can tell immediately that he wasn’t asleep, and Lance takes one look at Shiro before pulling him inside and wrapping his arms around him. 

They fall into bed together and Lance holds him close. Shiro just feels himself melt against him, because he’s okay. Because Lance has got him. Lance holds him so gently and tenderly, petting his hair and Shiro swears that he feels a few gentle presses of his lips to the crown of his head but he’s too tired to think about it too much, far too emotionally exhausted to even understand.

It’s when Lance calls him sweetheart that everything falls into place and finally, Shiro gets it. It’s a murmured “sweetheart, it’s okay. I’ve got you, I’m here,” and lips against his forehead. 

Shiro has already leant up to press his lips to Lance’s before he can even comprehend anything past Lance’s words.

Lance freezes, as if he hadn’t been expecting this and doesn’t quite know what to do, and just as Shiro makes to pull away he slips his hand around to cup the back of his head, and reciprocates the soft press of Shiro’s lips against his own. 

Neither of them say anything when they break apart, but Shiro nestles himself into the crook of Lance’s neck, and Lance holds him close, gently stroking over his back until Shiro falls asleep.

It takes Shiro a few moments to realise what’s going on when he wakes up, that the gentle drag of fingertips over his spine are the same as the night before, and he briefly wonders if Lance would have left already, had they not been in his own room, and Shiro realises that this is what he’s been missing. 

Lance can tell when Shiro wakes up and murmurs a sleepy “good morning,” to which Shiro reciprocates by trying to nestle his face further into the crook of his neck, not wanting to move from this position ever again.

Lance laughs softly and eventually manages to pry him away, brushing his hair from his face and asking him if he slept well and if he feels better. 

Shiro nods, telling him that he did, and that he does, and Lance tells him that he’s glad.

Shiro honestly doesn’t remember until Lance brings it up. It’s a long moment of silence and a searching look, before Lance says “you kissed me.” 

Oh. 

“You kissed me back,” is what he comes up with in response, because there’s no way that Lance could argue that one. 

Lance agrees, but he’s looking at Shiro in such a way, so searchingly and tentatively, as though he doesn’t know if it was a mistake. As if he doesn’t know whether Shiro meant it, or if he was just that exhausted that it had happened by accident. 

Instead of explaining, because honestly, Shiro doesn’t quite know how, he asks if he can do it again. 

And Lance says that he can. 

So Shiro kisses him. It’s different than last night, because for one thing, Shiro is a lot more coherent, and he’s cradling Lances face, memorising the soft press of his lips, the way his breath hitches and the gentle drag of his fingertips over his skin with one hand, and the way they stroke at the nape of his neck with his other. 

It’s everything that Shiro wants to remember and have for the rest of his life. 

He doesn’t say anything when they break apart because he still doesn’t know what, he just looks. Looks so tenderly at Lance, cradles his face and strokes his skin and presses the softest, most feathery of kisses over his jawline.

Because he doesn’t know, not really. Didn’t know until last night. Didn’t know anything except that Lance makes him feel safe. Lance makes him feel cared for and Lance has become the face that he looks for when he enters a room. How Lance has always been there to take care of him, take his mind off of what was bothering him and never asking why, never asking for anything in return, just wanting to try and keep him happy and safe.

That when he woke up, scared and alone, he just wanted to bury himself in Lance and never come up for air again, just stay right there tucked under his chin. And none of it had made sense in his stupid stupid head until Lance had called him sweetheart and kissed his forehead, but it makes sense now, because Lance is everything, absolutely everything and there’s nothing that Shiro wants more. 

There’s nothing that Shiro wants more than for Lance to be happy. And he knows that despite everything that Lance has done for him, he isn’t the best option out there, he isn’t something desirable or worth having. 

He’s someone that can’t sleep at night and wakes up in cold sweats when he does. Someone that’s done unspeakable things that haunt him every day and Lance is so- so bright. So Lance. So wonderful that Shiro couldn’t possibly try and ask for more than he deserves.

So he doesn’t tell Lance that he loves him (even though he does), but he asks Lance instead “is this what you want? Will this make you happy?” because that’s all he needs to know. 

The look that Lance gives him is so tender, so loving and so kind. He holds Shiro close to him and he presses a gentle kiss to his lips and he nods and that’s enough, that’s all it takes and Shiro is so utterly and completely gone. He’s already got so much more than he should, but he knows, he knows that he can’t give it back, not now, not when Lance has said that. 

So instead he kisses Lance again and he holds him tight, because he’s going to hold on tight to this and run and run and run and he’s never going to look back, not ever.

**Author's Note:**

> this was my piece for the tidal waves zine! it was a lot of fun to write, shance falling slowly in love like this is my fave ;o; 
> 
> comments are greatly appreciated !!


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